I don’t like to lose. I’m not a sore loser, but, I am much better at winning. At achieving. At checking off another box on life’s to-do list. That’s why I am writing something completely different at almost midnight -- because I need to achieve, I can’t allow myself to fail. I need to check off another box.
Do you ever plan to do something, set out a timeline, maybe even create an action plan –and the end is quickly drawing near and your goal remains un(or under)achieved? Maybe you planned to workout 3x a week, maybe it was to eat better meals, find a new job, learn a new language, find a new hobby, finish a given project. Whatever it is, you look at the calendar and you just feel like you failed. Maybe you feel like you failed others, maybe that you failed yourself. At least if you’re like me.
What is it that made these goals so difficult to achieve? Was it a lack of commitment? Was it a lack of follow-through? Poor planning? Was the goal too great to begin with? Did we lack a social network to keep us accountable? Maybe all of these things, maybe for different reasons entirely. The truth, is life happens. I don't mean that as an excuse. Sometimes our priorities (have to) change. Maybe it's due to a serious illness, death, birth of a child, loss of a job, injury, a relocation, a change in relationship status, etc… whatever it is, it causes you to take a step back, and reevaluate what is important to you, what is actually even possible for you to commit to at this time.
I can tell you, honestly, that I had plans for my maternity leave. Plans to brush up on my languages, to read books, to workout and go for really long walks (getting my pre-pregnancy body back and then some, was definitely necessary). I was even thinking of clocking some course hours in case I decided to get a certification. I had plans to maybe volunteer somewhere while the baby was young, something I could do and bring him along with me. Oh, and around the house? I had tons of Pinterest type projects to do, on top of reorganizing most spaces in the house (in addition to maintaining a cleaning schedule that would keep the house spic and span). In my head, I’d have this “free time”. Babies just sleep, eat and poop for the first little bit anyway, right? I could hold him and do tons of other things, no problem. He’d be cuddled, in my carrier, or in a swing and I could do everything that I had planned.
My ideas were fine until I realized that babies require your all. And when I held him in my arms—that’s what I wanted to give him. My c-section meant I had to take it easy for weeks, so there went my intense workout plan. And as I found out more about the possibility of cranio for my child, the possibility of his skull being cut into, THAT became my focus. THAT is what mattered the most. All of a sudden, the extra 5 (or 10…. or 15😊) lbs didn’t matter. I wanted to know everything that I could about his diagnosis—even after the surgery was complete. Life threw me a curve ball—and I had to adjust. Adjust my plans, adjust my goals and adjust my expectations.
That isn’t a failure. That is winning at its finest. And I have to constantly remind myself of that.
Sometimes my winning means presenting at a conference. Other times, it is getting through the day without losing my wits because I am dealing with a sleep-deprived, teething, toddler (while also being sleep-deprived). This month, it was getting this blog up and running, even though I was way past the date I wanted to launch it on originally (but it completely worked out—story for another time). This week, it was posting something—because I was honestly struggling to write about what I really wanted to while still being honest, witty and profound (it will come soon, promise)—while fighting off a cold myself and trying to keep our family functioning as sickness passed through.
Maybe for you it is something else, but whatever it is, don’t be so hard on yourself. LET’S not be so hard on ourselves—we’re just people who are adjusting our sails in response to the winds of life.
"A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying." --Skinner