I have honestly started this post several times –both on paper and in my head, but nothing ever seems to sit just perfectly, so I’m starting with that truth.
The quiet and chaos of 2020 caused me to replay a lot in my mind—certain situations, relationships, conversations, issues, etc… several times over. I sat with the discomfort of imperfect answers, all while searching for the truth, or at least mine anyway. I have spent the past couple of weeks simply reflecting. Reflecting on 2020, and my past in general. I know a lot of people have a lot of hate for 2020, we have lost people that we loved, we have lost our abilities to make plans, lost our independence, lost our control of things. I am one of those people, and it has been extremely difficult. Add to this the “awakening” that occurred by individuals and corporations around racial injustice and the US Presidential elections among many other things, and it has been quite the year.
But, I'm not going to focus on that now.
2020 gave me an opportunity that I don't believe I would have had otherwise, and that opportunity was (although forced upon me by the pandemic) to slow down.
It was challenging for me to not be able to tap into so many of my coping mechanisms - to plan, to control. I did try though. I had strict schedules, loose schedules, curriculum planned. Which all failed and succeeded at different degrees. As an extrovert, I found myself trying to find new ways to connect to others so that I can recharge and reenergize myself and ultimately focus on something else besides myself and my thoughts.
What 2020 really allowed me to do is to recalibrate (which ended up being one of my key words of the year). As I look back on 2020, the beginning of it was filled with so much activity and while I was tired, I enjoyed so much of it. However, when things were shut down, I was forced to pivot –and pivoting is definitely not my forte. I realized that I had to do a lot with what I had and what was readily available to me. That meant finding things to do outdoors, finding things in our home that could be used in multiple ways, using my creativity to make things happen. Being resourceful. Upon reflecting, 2020 gave me so many opportunities to grow.
Recalibration is defined as to (re)adjust precisely for a particular function.
That's what my life needed. I needed a readjustment, a reset. I think many of us did. I needed to move things back to where they should have been all along. I needed to reprioritize certain things in my life and 2020 was helpful in starting that process. I had been living my life with the function of productivity. I needed instead to readjust for a different function – peace. I needed to prioritize rest, restoration, quiet, and health when possible. I threw myself into that, into growth, and healing. And I don't regret it for one second.
I used to make resolutions, but I haven’t in years, and I think I’m going to keep it that way for awhile. Reflecting, helped me see that beyond the emotional difficulties that I had in 2020 – I have met (mostly virtually) some cool people, and built and nurtured relationships, gone on adventurers, raised my voice in ways I didn’t know how, put myself out there, learned (somewhat) to ask for and receive help - but most importantly (and by necessity) to take care of myself. This is the list I prefer to write – my wins and gains.
I don’t believe that we need to always have a positive outlook on life – in fact, I seldom follow that reasoning. However, my reflection (and a few other things) gave me some perspective. If you were fortunate enough to make it though to 2021, even if you ae hanging on by a thread (which many of us are), then you have gained at least one thing – resilience.
Whatever positive trait, skill, relationships, knowledge, self-care/health practice, etc… that you have learned in 2020 – I hope it continues into 2021 and beyond. To growth!
"The key is not to prioritize your schedule, but to schedule your priorities" – Stephen Covey