What does Jazz music, a fan and a bathtub have in common? More than you know.
An empty bathtub was where I found myself a few weeks ago, jazz playing in my earphones, bathroom fan on, trying to drown out the noise, while I attempted to write another blog post.
My “Quiet Place”.
I was tired from the day that I had, and nowhere in the house seemed quiet enough to focus and work. I could hear my husband and son playing, running, and squealing, from so many parts of the house. They weren’t loud on purpose. They were just living life. But I needed to separate myself from all the fun activities and focus, or else nothing was going to get done in the short time that I had.
Growing up in a larger city and living in the city for most of my life, I got used to the noise that was all around me. It was rare that it was fully quiet, or at least not for long. If you listened carefully enough, or maybe, if you just tuned in to your environment, you would hear a bus go by, a dog barking, or a siren in the distance. In fact, city noise (and light) became so common for me, that going camping or to the country was eerily calm. If my room became too quiet, I would find it difficult to focus or even to go to bed. I would put on music or some other type of “white noise” to help.
Maybe I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts and my feelings. Perhaps I was afraid of what would happen if I tuned everything else out and “tuned in” to myself. So instead, I’d drown everything out with noise.
This worked for a good while, until I realized that I needed to tap in to how I was feeling and check in with myself way more than I had been doing in the past. I needed a safe and quiet space where I could just be.
My ideal quiet place is by the ocean; white sand beneath my feet, listening to the waves crash on the shore, hot sun beating down on my face. Can you visualize my little piece of paradise? That’s where I am most at peace. Unfortunately, however, it is not too often these days that I find myself on a white sand beach; so, I need to find something a little closer to home, my place to escape to and be at one with my thoughts and my feelings and just have some quiet. That place is my bathroom—more specifically, my shower.
I have heard some moms say that days would go by without them showering; that if they could get in two showers a week some weeks that would be good for them. They were that busy with their kids. I couldn’t fathom that. For me, showers were not an option. Not only for hygienic reasons (which are personal and subjective—I know), but the peace of mind that I find in the shower. It is the way that I literally and figuratively wash off the day, so that I can (hopefully) go to bed without my mind racing. I solve some of my problems in the shower, come up with ideas, remember things to add to my to-do list, all while in the shower. I’ve cried in there, I sing in there
…and sometimes I just stand there and try to let my mind “go blank”.
In the first few weeks/months after having my son, I remember feeling exhausted and completely drained after being home with him all day in what seemed like a never ending cycle of nursing and short naps (for him) before he, hopefully, slept for a few hours in a row at night so that I could get some sleep. I would leave the baby with my husband and take a hot shower with the bathroom fan on, in attempts to drown out the crying (shrieking?) that the baby may make. There have been times where my husband has even come in to make sure that I was okay, because I have been in the bathroom/shower for an (according to him) abnormally long time.
Every now and then I go to my quiet place angry and come out calm. Other times I go in a bit heated and try to find the reason(s) behind those feelings. Sometimes I decide that I need to address something, sometimes that I need to let things go. But I almost always emerge from my quiet place differently or thinking differently. That is the beauty of it all.
Maybe my bathroom/shower “quiet place” seems odd to you. Perhaps you sit at a kitchen table overlooking a window, maybe you unwind on your balcony with a glass of wine, perhaps you relax on a park bench near to your home. I’ve heard of some parents who hide out in their basements, their cars (parked in the garage), the closet and even their pantry; whatever is necessary to get those 5-10 minutes of peace and quiet. To calm down, to regroup, to reset and to recharge.
There is so much talk about self-care, and it is great when we can take an hour, a weekend or even a week to disconnect from everything and reconnect with ourselves—but let’s be honest, most people (sadly) don’t have that luxury most days. Having a place that you can get to quickly and safely when you are about to have an emotional breakthrough (or breakdown) is so key for survival.
I believe that if you can check-in with yourself every day and really give yourself a chance to be still, you will start to feel and breathe a bit better. T
his is even more true as we become busier and more inundated with images and information. We need some time away to process outside of our “sleep time”.
If you don’t have a quiet space, I urge you to get one—it will make a big difference in your life. Your health, and the health of those around you depends on it. If you do have a quiet place, you’re not alone. I encourage you to keep using this place to relax and regroup so you can go out into the world and be a better person. It’s not everyday that I can be on a white sand beach, smelling the salt from the ocean, hearing the waves crash onto the shore, feeling the warm sun beating down on my skin. Feeling more at peace with every other breath I take. But until then, a warm shower and a bathroom fan will have to do.
"The quieter you become the more you are able to hear." --Rumi