I have very fond childhood memories of Christmas. I remember going downtown to the “big mall” to buy presents. I remember us putting up the Christmas tree while singing and dancing to Christmas carols. I remember shiny metallic streamers in the doorways, wrapping the front door like a big present, and tinsel everywhere (do people still use tinsel?). I remember eating a huge late breakfast, the heavenly smell of good food floating around from the kitchen for hours on end, and, of course, dinner itself. I remember the amazing part of getting together with my extended family the next day for Boxing Day supper and getting to eat one of my favorite desserts – cheesecake. As I grew older, things shifted (and decor styles changed) but family, music, and food always remained. So, you bet I was super excited, after the crazy year we had been through as a family, that I would finally get to introduce my baby to all of the fun that surrounds my family Christmas. His first Christmas.
Unfortunately, that didn’t happen.
Instead, this did:
That’s a picture of our car, on Christmas morning. 10 days after my son’s skull surgery.
To summarize the story, it had snowed quite a bit on Christmas Eve and the highway had not yet been plowed. Everyone was driving slowly given these conditions. Everyone but a young woman, of approximately 20 years old, who was speeding down the highway. She hit the back of our car (the side where my son was snuggled into his car seat) and sent us flying into the guardrail. The impact sent her car to the other side of the highway into the snowbank. Her car had minimal damage, our car was written off, but thankfully, everyone was safe and no trip to the hospital was necessary.
A few days after that, some of my family came to visit. Even though it was short, and we didn’t have all of the regular fixings of a Christmas dinner (I think we had tex-mex), we had a lot of fun. Reflecting on the accident with my husband this week, he mentioned how much he thinks of that family visit when he thinks of last Christmas, and that years from now we won't remember the anger and the fallout after the accident as much as we will the time that we spent with our family and friends. And we’ll have all the fun pictures to remember it by.
He's right.
The holidays, especially, are a time when we should get to spend quality time and relax with our family and friends – but sometimes it can be so exhausting. It can seem like a never-ending list of things to do, money to spend, and people that we are forced to hang out with. We end up physically, mentally, and emotionally more exhausted than before the season began.
We spend so much time and energy focusing on things that don’t matter as much as the people around us.
We get so caught up when things don’t go our way, that we have trouble taking a step back and noticing all the great things that are around us. We get burdened by so much negativity that we can’t see all the bright spots in our lives.
I won’t forget the accident, that’s for sure. But I don’t want it to define every holiday going forward. It is so easy when things go wrong to fall into the “why me?” or “it’s not fair!” mindset. I know it is. I’ve been there. In fact, I laid the foundation and built a mansion there. But, when I look back on everything, I have so much to be grateful for. Things could have been so much worse for us, but they weren’t. We all have our health, our family, our friends and each other. It is, I think, in my nature to dwell on the negative, maybe because it takes much less effort, who knows. So, this won’t be easy for me. But it’s a shift that I need to take going into the New Year.
Spend lots of time with your loved ones, and yourself this holiday season. Reach out to that relative or that person that you miss. Help someone that needs it. Reflect. Bake up a storm. Make happy memories. Take pictures of special moments. And if you feel like things are spinning out of control over the holidays (or just in general), stop for a moment. May I suggest focusing on the positive? Being grateful for the people and the things that you have around you? List the things that you are grateful for. Think about the positive things in your life. With time, my hope is that the fond memories that we are creating will overshadow the negative ones. That’s exactly what I plan to do.
"You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind" --Joyce Meyer