It's been almost exactly a year since my first blog post went up on Scars & Crowns.
I had designed the website myself (which in of itself was a learning process) and now I was going to share parts of my postpartum journey with the world. I can't explain the excitement and anxiety that I felt during those early days. The anxiety that I still experience when I open up about something real.
Our helmet had recently been removed when I started blogging, and I felt like I finally had some space and some distance to deal with all of the craziness that had happened to us in the past 15M or so: the labour, c-section, postpartum feelings and recovery, surgery, car accident, helmeting, appointments etc...
What I didn't know when I started was how much it would hurt when I wrote about feeling alone, or how impressed I would be by my own strength, like when handing over my child into a doctor's arms for skull surgery. I did not know.
I didn't know that I would be able to find and connect with other moms on social media to talk to when I couldn't reach my friends in real life. I didn't know that so many people could relate to my parenting journey. And I probably never would've known that all of this was completely normal were it not for Scars & Crowns.
This week, we got amazing news that our son's skull is continuing to grow well. They are impressed with the healing of the scar and are happy overall with how everything is going. Developmentally, my son is doing amazing. Meeting of exceeding most of his milestones. We're super grateful for that. We'll be starting a special speech program later this month to ensure that the variety of speech he has continues to grow. He runs circles around me, he loves music and eating and brings light into every room with his smile.
As for me, I feel like I have grown in ways that I could not have imagined. I've been forced to challenge the way I felt/feel about motherhood, parenting and what "good" looks like. I still struggle with that daily. I've openly shared things that I don't think I would have admitted to some of my closest friends -- and it felt great to get those feelings off of my chest. I am breaking down my need for perfectionism and increasing my time for self-care.
My transparency has led me to take on things in my personal life that I don't think I would have done in the past. I always felt that I could take on things I found uncomfortable and difficult, but now I know that to be true.
I thank all of you for following along this year. For giving me your feedback, checking in on me, for giving me encouragement and for also sharing your stories and experiences with me.
I may be posting a little less often as I take on some other projects, but I'll still be here -- and I'll definitely be on my socials as usual so if you aren't already following along, please do.
"You can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them." - Shonda Rhimes
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