VI – the roman numeral for “six”. The number of weeks that you are told it will take you to recover from a c-section. Although I shared my birth story here, in honor of C-Section Awareness Month, I am sharing a bit about how things were for me after the scar—the first 6 weeks post c-section, as well as 6 lessons that I learned from that experience that could apply to anyone, particularly during this pandemic.
My recovery took much longer than expected –both physically and emotionally. MUCH longer. For months after, I experienced various levels of pain at the site of my scar and the area around it. I ended up having to get two separate injections one to reduce the pain and the other to reduce its raised appearance. For months, my body was not (or did not) feel strong enough to resume a lot of physical activity and when I did try to go for long walks or on outings to get more movement—I often paid for it that evening or the next day. I was exhausted from a very complicated feeding routine provided from the hospital. This required me to breastfeed, pump and then formula-feed my son, every feeding session, in order to boost milk production. I was exhausted full stop.
Emotionally, I struggled with feelings of shame—that people would feel that I “chose” a c-section as an easy way out. Anyone who has ever gone or watched someone go through this, knows that it is anything but “easy”. I also struggled with guilt –that something I did (or didn’t do) was the cause of all of this pain. I resisted asking others for the help that I so desperately needed. I struggled with pushing myself past my limits more often than I would like to admit. I REALLY struggled with accepting my new body and all the extra weight on it—that I didn’t experience the “snap back” and couldn’t move my body the way I had hoped. I also felt like I had to keep it all together –look cute when people came over, still be an awesome hostess, be happy when I was feeling overwhelmed, sad or disappointed about my experience.
I felt alone, even when surrounded by people, like nobody understood what I was going though and no matter how well my son was doing—I couldn’t stop feeling like I wasn’t doing enough.
I struggled (and some days still do), with feelings of failure –that I did not get to have the birth experience that I had planned. That I did not have the perfect experience I wanted.
Where we live, we have just passed the 6-week mark since schools were closed and social isolation/quarantine life really began. And while our current situations are very different from my post c-section period (and even the 6-week following my son’s surgery (see that here). I realize that there are 6 lessons that I have learned that can apply to dealing with the pandemic.
Be ready to modify expectations. We can do our best and plan our “ideal”, but sometimes our survival (physically, emotionally, etc…) requires us to do less. I struggled with this post c-section, I really wanted life to be as I had planned it. I wanted to be out and about with my baby. I wanted to be able to do yoga poses and quickly “snap back” to my pre-baby size (or even fitter with all this “free time” to workout). I wanted to be able to breastfeed with ease, like all the other moms. I was so annoyed when I could not have those things right away. Similarly, I had plans of what my days would look like at the beginning of the pandemic –full of learning and activities at home. However, this time I noticed that my plans were not sustainable, and I needed to do less and cut my schedule and made things more flexible.
Give yourself grace – Some days we can do more than others, some days we may lose our tempers, miss that workout, need a good cry in the bathroom or feed the family a store-bought pizza for dinner. That’s okay –apologize where needed and take time where needed. Tomorrow is another day.
Seek help, if needed. Don’t wait—and don’t feel bad for admitting that you need a bit more support. Post c-section, that meant accepting some of those offers for meals. It meant going back to see a lactation consultant. Eventually, it meant speaking to a professional about how I was struggling. During the pandemic, it may mean accepting requests to have groceries delivered, or reaching out to a therapist, specialist, or friend to talk about your mental and physical health concerns.
Don’t sweat the small stuff—after giving birth, I tried to keep the house exceptionally clean (in case of visitors), make home-cooked meals, do laundry, etc… on top of handling a newborn and getting very little sleep when I was also supposed to be resting. After this experience, I learned that sometimes we have to let things go, at least for now. That goes for the pandemic too. Focus on the important things: our relationships with those around us, our families, friends and our health—schoolwork, the pantry, reorganizing the garage all of that can wait.
Make time to take care of you –after giving birth (and still to this day), I struggled in this area, but I know that it is key to my emotional and physical health. During this pandemic, I know many of us are missing our outlets for managing stress (even though we may be in a situation where we are experiencing more stress). Depending on your situation this may be a long bath, reading a book, taking a walk or sitting down for a cup of tea and your journal (or binge-watching a Netflix comedy series, whatever). You may have 5 minutes, or you may have 5 hours (lucky you😊) –but carve out some “me-time”.
Remember that “This Too Shall Pass” –when things get really hard, know that this period of life will not last forever. Things will eventually get better. Life will change, the world will change, and you will have grown, stronger. You will have survived an amazing ordeal. You will have a story to tell.
I hope these lessons help you to better navigate your life during this crazy time.
Until then, stay safe & stay healthy
*And to all the women giving birth during this time whether via c-section or not, alone or not –you are complete superstars <3.
“You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice." --Bob Marley